I Corinthians Rachel Berry Style
by rainbowrites
Summary: "It's traditional to say a verse from the first Corinthians at a wedding, but we all know how Kurt feels about the Spaghetti Monster in the sky so I decided to put my own Rachel Berry twist on it." Kurt knew he should've gotten Brittany to give the speech


1 Corinthians 13:1-13 - Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

xx

Author's Note: I watched the episode of HIMYM where Lily and Marshall get married and they recited I Corinthians. Because my brain is basically GLEE GLEE KLAAAIIIINNNEE all the time, I started imaging how Rachel would do this at their wedding considering Kurt's feelings about the Bible.

I decided to do in solely in dialogue as a kind of writing exercise. So it's pretty ridiculous and cracky xD It's also unbetaed, so please tell me if I made any mistakes. CC will be adored.

xx

"Ladies and gentlemen! It's time for my speech.

Now, I've known Kurt since we were in Glee Club together, and we were both in love with Finn."

"Really Rachel?"

"Don't be ashamed Kurt, he was very attractive. Especially to underdogs like we were."

"Wait, was?"

"Sorry Finn. I've moved on. I hope you and your future wife can be happy together."

"Uh, thanks?"

"We've come a long way since then, but even then I knew Kurt was star.

It's true! That's why I hated you so much. You were my only real competition.

Now. It's traditional to say a verse from the first Corinthians at a wedding, but we all know how Kurt feels about the Spaghetti Monster in the sky so I decided to put my own Rachel Berry twist on it.

Ahem.

Love is patient, like when your boyfriend has spent the past hour trying to decide between the aquamarine belt and the turquoise belt and instead of trying to strangle him with them you just tell him he looks good in both of them."

"He looked _fabulous_!"

"Love is kind. It's driving eleven hours to come to New York because your boyfriend didn't get any callbacks. It's missing the fashion show you were looking forward to for weeks to feed your sick boyfriend chicken soup.

Love does not envy, even when your boyfriend gets the part in the school play that you wanted. Love means giving them flowers and honestly just being so _happy_ for them.

It does not boast. Kurt and Blaine have never made a spectacle of their love, and I…I think that's the reason I always knew they would make it. They never had to make themselves a show. They didn't need to show off for each other or anyone else to prove anything, because they already knew that this? What they have? It's the real deal.

It is not proud but instead _talks_ about insecurities, and respects each other. I remember being on _fire_ with curiosity when Kurt mentioned Blaine had a brother, but refused to let me ask him about the mysterious Big Brother. Blaine would tell him when he was ready, because that's how they were.

And now we know of course that that brother was the fabulous Cooper Anderson!"

"Thank you, thank you! Please, hold your applause."

"No one's applauding Cooper."

"Coop. _My_ wedding day."

"Right, right. Go on Rachel."

"Thank you Cooper. And may I just say that your Aquafresh toothpaste commercial was another masterpiece!

Ahem. It is not rude, but instead uses wit and puppy eyes to get what it wants.

It is not self-seeking, except when it comes to who gets the empty apartment on Friday nights _Kurt_.

It is not easily angered, although love also won't take any shit from meerkat faced Parisians or smarmy New York hipsters."

"Damn straight. Pound it son"

"Artie, you're twenty-five. Why are you still talking like a gangster?"

"I gotta be me."

"Amen, bro"

"_Anyway_… It keeps no record of wrongs, although I can't say the same for fantasies completed."

"Oh my god Rachel _what is wrong with you_"

"Ooh, wanky. What did they do? I bet Hummel, Hummel-Anderson _sorry_, is totally a kinky little shit. Diapers, whips…"

"Giant dildos?"

"Thank you Puck. Giant dildos, like the purple one shaped like a tentacle I got Blaine for-

"_Santana!"_

"I remember when I was wiping that little Blainey butt. And now it's getting stuffed with neon tentacles."

"COOPER, SANTANA, for the love of god please _please_ stop."

"I remember when Kurt used to watch Sesame Street…"

"Oh my god Dad… please just… I am so sorry."

"Don't apologize _Hummel-Anderson_ you two have been together since dinosaurs walked around judging you for your disgusting levels of sap. I'm pretty sure your dad knows you two are doing the dirty. The _very_ dirty."

"There's a difference between knowing and hearing the details Santana."

"It's okay Mr. Hummel! I checked it very carefully, there was nothing about animals or child pornography in it. And studies show that being able to talk openly and frankly about your sex life is very healthy and helpful in-

"Oh my god, just get on with Rachel!"

"Okay, okay.

Love does not delight in evil-"

"Unlike _you_ Rachel. You seem to delight in it just fine."

"_Love does not delight in evil_, but rejoices with the truth. The honesty that you two have is something I… something I hope I can have someday. It's something I see with my dads, and that comfort level, that honesty, is just… it's amazing."

"…are you crying Rachel?"

"It's a necessary part of the Maid of Honor speech. I'm just being professional."

"We all appreciate your dedication Rach. Here."

"Thank you Blaine. Ooh. Did Kurt embroider your initials on this?"

"Isn't he the best?"

"Jesus Christ, how long is this speech? The Puckasaurus needs to hit the open bar."

"Again. Aren't you supposed to be an adult now? Still calling yourself the Puckasaurus?"

"The Puckasaurus will never get old."

"Apparently. Or mature."

"The speech would go faster if people stopped _interrupting._"

"If it'll get this over with faster than go on. I told you we should have gotten Brittany to do the speech. She would have just gotten Mr. Tubbington the Fifth to give it."

"I can get him on Skype if you want. He's always prepared for being called to give a speech."

"Thanks Britt Britt, but I think we should just power through this atrocity."

"Do you want me to finish this or not?"

"Go Rachel, go! I'm loving it."

"Thanks Blaine.

It always protects, from anything. From the rampaging Black Friday sale shoppers to the less obvious villains, like distance and those days that just never end. Usually with cake and warm milk.

Always trusts, even when _all_ the evidence points to a trouty mouthed affair in a dirty motel room. Even when you're hundreds of miles away and the only thing you can do is trust, and love. It's

Always hopes, always perseveres. I remember Kurt finally showing me the gum wrapper ring the night before we moved to New York. Because even then, you both knew.

Love never fails. It's choosing each other every day and never wanting to do anything else.

Thank you, Kurt. Blaine. Thank you for showing us all just how beautiful love can be."

"Oh Rachel…"

"Dude… are you _crying_?"

"Shut up! It's my wedding day. I can do what ever I want, bride's rights."

"But you aren't-"

"My. Wedding. Day."

"Right. Sorry Kurt."

"Thank you Rachel. Just… thank you. For everything."

"That was so beautiful Rachel, thank you so much."

"Thank _you_ guys.

And when I get married I expect at _least_ something that beautiful. Plus, notice how I let the audience interact. It adds an extra layer of emotion."

"Oooof _course_ you did."

"Okay, now that _that _snoozefest is over, LET THE PARTY BEGIN!"

"Is that…?"

"Hey Kurt. It's our song.

May I have this dance?"

"Always."


End file.
